Cheers!

Cover photo of MacLeod Pappidas and Corinna Luyken by John Hanron

VALLEY VOWS A Methow Valey Wedding Resource Guide 2007 A publication of the Methow Valley News 101 North Glover Street P.O. Box 97, Twisp, WA 98856-0097 Telephone: 509.997.7011 Fax: 509.997.3277 editor@methowvalleynews.com www.methowvalleynews.com Paul Butler, PUBLISHER John Hanron, EDITOR Cassie Marchbank, PRODUCTION Robin Doggett, AD SALES MANAGER Zitella Gates, AD SALES Marilyn Bardin, OFFICE MANAGER Janet Mehus, OFFICE ASSISTANT Jim & Jane Hutson, DISTRIBUTION CONTRIBUTORS Joyce Campbell, Doc Cook, Soo-Ing Moody, Patrick Hannigan, Leslie Lanthorn, Sue Misao, Amy Perry, Leigh Ann Robinson, Marcy Stamper, Lillian Tucker WANT A COPY OF VALLEY VOWS? JUST E-MAIL THE AD SALES DEPARTMENT

Feature Articles

The meaning of it all

Perfect planning

The start of something

Till death do us part

"No other way"

Step outside

On a tight budget?

An epic wedding

Marriage: Still a viable option

By Joyce Campbell

Falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after is the perhaps naïve – but wishful – thinking that leads many couples to plan their wedding day.

Marriage means different things to different people, but common threads tie those bonds of matrimony. In our society, those ties are intended to bind a lifetime commitment.

"It’s a commitment to sharing your life with another," said newlywed valley resident Larry Goldie. "Marriage is a pact to help make your partner’s life more joyful, meaningful and more connected. It’s the ultimate expression of your love and respect for another person."

Vows and pledges, ceremonies and rituals and licenses and contracts are the details and devices that couples use to secure the relationship of marriage. 

Meaning is infused in the marriage according to the beliefs and desires of the people planning the wedding. In our society, religious and spiritual ritual is often combined with a civil ceremony, binding the couple to each other spiritually and legally.

The "bonds of holy matrimony" refer to the rights and responsibilities of marriage within an organized religion. Couples agree to follow certain rules of behavior and accept guidelines within the beliefs of each religion. 

The Roman Catholic Church defines procreation and companionship as the two purposes of marriage. 

Jewish tradition refers to the biblical reference in Genesis regarding marriage: "It is not good for man to be alone." Companionship, love and intimacy are the primary purposes of marriage for people following that religious path.

Islam teaches that marriage is to ensure the preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race. Marriage is considered to be the spiritual and legal foundation of the family.

The legal aspects of marriage are far-reaching in the United States. According to the Government Accountability Office, there are more than a thousand federal laws that treat married people differently than single people. A growing number of federal statutory provisions regarding benefits, rights and privileges are contingent on marital status.

The legal aspects of marriage are the same whether a civil or religious ceremony is planned, according to attorney David Ebenger. As a justice of the peace, Ebenger serves as a wedding officiant, witnessing the contract between the two people agreeing to be married.

"A couple is free to choose what they want the ceremony to be. They can decide what is said and done in the ceremony. Typically, people who come to the valley to be married spend time together deciding how they want the ceremony to be," said Ebenger. 

The law provides protection of the children of the marriage, property rights of the husband and wife, and inheritance rights. During transitions such as illness, divorce or death, these laws act automatically to provide continuity and easier transitions during these times for married people.

Domestic partners who are not married do not have these protections, according to Ebenger. He advises domestic partners to make written contracts between themselves so they can have stability and benefits similar to those that married couples enjoy.

"Married couples have the benefit of more involvement in each other’s lives from the legal point of view," he said. The law also protects the relationship from interference from others. It is more difficult for anyone to interfere with all matters between two people who are married.

Marriage means that everything is shared. In Washington state, a husband and wife are a "marital community," and once married, the earnings and most property acquired during marriage are "community property." Similarly, both spouses are personally liable for certain liabilities, even if both did not agree to the particular obligation.

 Sharing involves much more than property and legal agreements. Marriage means every major decision involves a team decision. How a couple agrees to spend their time together (and apart) and how finances are managed can cause them problems sooner or later.

Most people enjoy having a certain amount of freedom in their lives, and the sharing that marriage requires can mean a great deal of compromise and strain on a relationship.

"Because we come from a culture where control habits are very common, people get stuck by using the same behaviors over and over again," said Joyce Daniels, certified teacher of the William Glasser Institute’s Choice-Theory Reality Therapy. "This is where creative behavior comes in, by asking what can we do that’s different."

She said couples often spend a lot of time trying to look to the other person and finding fault instead of looking at the choices to be made that are life-giving within the restraints of marriage. Daniels teaches individuals, couples and families the methods of C-TRT in addition to teaching kindergarten for the Methow Valley School District.

"One of the biggest choices we have is to develop caring habits," said Daniels. Habits to build on are supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating differences. Habits to avoid are criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing and bribing or rewarding to control.

Though about 43 percent of all marriages in the United States will ultimately end in divorce, "living happily ever after" is the hope and dream of everyone as they plan their wedding day. 

Ceremonies and celebrations with family, friends and community members lend support to that dream. There is an element of marriage that involves a joining together of the family and friends of both individuals, creating a formal opportunity for creating a larger community of support.

"I think people make that commitment to stay together, and that doesn’t mean you don’t have to continue to give to the relationship," said Goldie. "It’s a commitment you should never take for granted. Continue to work to keep that spark alive."

Take it from the top

The perfectly planned wedding

By Soo Ing-Moody

There was a time when planning a wedding was a relatively simple task.

Sure, there was work to be done and there were decisions to be made, but overall, the choices remained fairly basic: where to have it, what to eat and what color to pick for bridesmaids’ dresses.

These days, though the basic wedding is still an option, many couples are opting for a more personalized experience. With the sky being the limit (literally), the celebratory day more closely resembles a meticulously choreographed program, consistent in theme and mood.

The task of carefully organizing, designing, staging and choreographing such an event can be overwhelming and stressful for a couple about to wed. 

Fortunately, in the Methow Valley help is available. There are a number of experienced wedding planners who specialize in assisting couples with planning, coordinating and implementing their dream wedding. 

"If you are going to have a destination wedding, like in the Methow Valley, an onsite planner is invaluable," says Mary Campbell, wedding planner for Sun Mountain Lodge, a mountaintop resort that hosts more than 30 weddings a year. 

"Having a coordinator really removes a lot the stress and anxiety for the couple and allows them to really enjoy the event," says Campbell. "At Sun Mountain, we take them through the whole thing from start to finish. We do absolutely everything for them. We are always willing to make a bride and groom’s dream come true, if it is within our reach."

Whether or not a locale has already been selected, hiring a professional wedding planner can be desirable for a number of reasons. 

"By discussing issues early on, any details and concerns can be addressed long before the actual wedding day," adds Monica Bernhard, wedding planner and owner of Cottonwood Cottage. Bernhard provides all wedding services in an intimate six-acre riverfront setting. 

The stress of planning a wedding can be huge, says Bernhard. "Having a wedding planner can sometimes even act as a buffer  by keeping rattled nerves at bay," she said.

And, though things may not always go exactly as planned, the added assurance that someone is on hand to take care of things can drastically ease a wedding couple’s minds. 

The emphasis for most weddings is to reflect the couple’s unique personal tastes and style. "It is the job of a good wedding planner to help set this mood and create an overall feeling of welcome and enjoyment, regardless of the size and budget of the wedding," Bernhard says.

"Every site and wedding planner offers different services, so make a list and have your questions ready before you call," suggests Pam Ahl, wedding planner and owner of Amy’s Manor, an intimate and peaceful private setting offering all-inclusive wedding services. 

"With my wedding [web]site, I provide guidance through the process, a referral list of local vendors, and help to coordinate the vendors’ timelines for the day of the wedding. I also offer a full-service catering and beverage service," says Ahl.

  Ahl adds, "The pros of hiring a wedding coordinator would be that you are dealing with just one person, and it is this person’s job to do a lot of the leg work in hiring vendors and keeping things organized." 

Professionals usually have a list of local vendors, points out Ahl, and a relationship with them. "Once you have selected the florist, DJ, photographer, cake vendor, musicians and any rentals, the coordinator will be the person who will be in contact with them until the wedding day. They will make sure contracts are sent and signed with the vendors, deposits made, and confirm the time the vendors are to arrive on the wedding day. Then on the day of the wedding, they are there to ensure that things run smoothly."

If you are planning a wedding in the Methow Valley, our wedding planners offer  a few tips:

Do you live in the area in which you wish to be wed? If not, a wedding planner may be mandatory for purposes of enjoyment and for overall sanity.

How soon will the wedding take place? If the wedding is less than seven months away, a planner may be critical unless you can devote yourself full time to organizing the event.

How involved do you want the wedding planner to be? This will often dictate how much the wedding planner will cost. It could be between 10 and 20 percent of the wedding budget, according to Bernhard.

How many guests are expected? If the number is higher than 80, Ahl suggests hiring a wedding planner.

Will there be food involved? Local planners recommend hiring a professional for any food preparation, since preparing even a small amount of food can be overwhelming in the days before a wedding.

If you have decided a wedding planner is for you, don’t forget to:

Check references. "Always check a wedding coordinator’s references. Anyone can say they have done weddings, but if they don’t have references from happy clients, this could be a nightmare as well," says Ahl.

Know what fees cover which services. Do not assume that a particular service is included in the cost. 

After you find the perfect wedding planner and have finalized your plans and decisions, all that remains is to enjoy the party and the love that is being celebrated.

Take it from the top

A couple’s work is never done

By Lillian Tucker

Planning a wedding may feel like a second job, but it is the lifetime that follows that takes the real work.

Counselors to couples agree that while holding true to marriage vows takes love, the effort would fall short without hard work. But what is hard work?

"Trust and commitment is the big thing; I can’t emphasize trust enough," says Diana Marchiney, who has been married to her husband, Terry, for 41 years. They will gladly be the first to admit that it takes a lot of hard work and help from others.

Also married for over 41 years, Gail Pilkinton says her commitment to husband, Lee, has taken "communication, compromise and putting your spouse before yourself." 

Still other Methow Valley folk insist that they must also take care of their own needs and happiness before they can build a successful partnership with another.

"There is no formula," says Ann Douglas, who has been professionally counseling couples for 14 years. She doesn’t believe that having a successful marriage can be reduced to mechanical methods as relationships are unique and have their own obstacles and solutions.  

There is a plethora of advice out there to consider – and perhaps dismiss. After all, no two marriages are identical. There is pre-marital counseling and social support, unconditional acceptance, trust and forgiveness, kindness and consideration, reciprocity and camaraderie, selflessness, respect, communication and laughter.

Gregg Oliver, Community Covenant Church pastor, has made a pact with other valley pastors and wedding officials to require pre-marriage counseling before they will agree to perform the marriage ceremony.

Counseling before the walk down the aisle is said to very important because often, among other things, individuals have different and unclarified expectations for marriage.

"A lot of people who really love each other, really mean well and are really dedicated to their marriages can be undermined by really not understanding what the other person’s expectations are," says Douglas.

These expectations can be safely worked out through counseling, she suggests.

"The questions that therapy can ask can be useful, as they present a curious point-of-view instead of a doubtful point-of-view."

James Donaldson, whose career includes more than 30 years of couples counseling, says that while costs can be a barrier, prenuptial counseling is important. Despite this, he said, social support can come from other places that are easier on the pocketbook. 

Donaldson suggests calling upon each spouse’s four closest friends and together, the group of 10, talk openly about a problem. Through this process, the couple can gain support, advice and most importantly an outside prospective.

It is very important, according to Donaldson, to develop good listening skills and to have the ability to examine one’s own "shadow," which is the part of oneself that may not be too pretty, such as an aggressive side to one’s personality or the habit of interrupting his or her partner when speaking.    

Professionals and couples agree that most of us have an ugly shadow somewhere. That’s why it is up to each partner to acknowledge the other’s faults and accept them – and all their flaws – before entering into a lifelong bond. 

For the Marchineys, trust is the foundation of what they feel has made them such a great partnership.

Diana says it is "trusting one another well enough so that we can give each other enough space, not getting involved in each other’s day-to-day life and allowing them to be their own person."

As she speaks of allowing space, her words are in action. While Terry watches football in one room Diana enjoys a movie in another.

"You see," she points out with a little laughter’ "we like to be in the same house but watch different programs."

Admittedly, trust is not born overnight. Instead, it takes time and action to slowly build. One practice, Douglas suggests, is treating each other gently, with kindness and consideration.

"When people attempt to have good manners with each other, the marriage benefits," she says. "It actually creates an environment of greater trust."

Douglas adds that sometimes it seems trust takes a lot of effort, but once a couple makes it a fundamental part of their relationship, it actually becomes more of an effort to not cultivate trust.  

But what if that trust is broken? 

Some say that all people have their individual breaking point and can forgive anything until they reach their limit. Still others are more optimistic and believe that they would forgive their spouse for any breach of trust.

There are no guidelines guaranteed to make a marriage work. There is also no perfect set of rules that secure "forever."

So when it comes to committing to another forever, know what that entails, be prepared for hard work and good luck.

Take it from the top

"Till death do us part...."

By Lillian Tucker

Is forever for real?

An integral part of marriage vows is the promise of permanence, as in the traditional line, "till death do us part." And love letters are often sealed with the sentiment of "forever and always."  

Are these pledges of endless devotion realistic? Is infinite, limitless, everlasting, never-ending, perpetual love attainable? Is forever between two people even a natural, human concept?

Anthropologically speaking, marriage is universal. More so, it performs a similar set of functions in different societies. This is an unusual phenomenon, considering that in anthropology, commonalities or universals are rare. 

In Western cultures, marriage is seen as an exclusive and permanent bond. But marriage and the promise of forever are not free from the threat of disruption. 

Socio-economic analyses show that the risk of divorce is higher for families with low household incomes and for those with a high personal income coming from the wife. Here is the conundrum: In order for most couples to secure a comfortable lifestyle among the middle class, both partners must contribute financially. Single-earner families today, compared to their counterparts a generation ago, have 72 percent less discretionary income. The solution for most couples is that both people go to work. 

This solution could be shortsighted. For the average worker, a job eats up one third of their time. It can be hard for two people to build a life together while simultaneously pursuing two separate careers.

Money aside, there are also biological factors to consider. While people are in the first passionate stages of love, looking at their partner through rose-colored glassses, the brain is reacting to surges of dopamine. Over time, the brain adapts to the chemical input and builds up a tolerance, causing the high that love brings to slowly fade.

This does not necessarily signal the end for the blooming relationship. The dopamine party is sometimes replaced by the more reliable hormone, oxytocin. This "attachment" hormone is released during physical moments such as breastfeeding, embracing a loved one and especially during orgasms, which encourages the development of connection and bonding. This explains why high amounts of oxytocin are found in those who are engaged in successful and lengthy marriages.

    Love and marriage are not driven by studies and textbooks. Despite the fact that most people are not experts in anthropology and biology, more than half of married couples have kept their promises of permanence. It is tricky to pin down an exact divorce rate for the United States, considering that some states, like California and Nevada, don’t keep a tally. Estimates of the national divorce rate range from 37 percent to 49 percent; the actual number probably lies somewhere in between. This means that the majority of couples are staying together. There has been consistent decline in the trend in termination of marriages. It is estimated that almost every year since the late ‘80s, the rate falls by a percentage point or two. 

With so many factors affecting couples from the inside and out, many are still choosing to marry. Forever may not be realistic for everyone, but perhaps will be for them – and for you.

Take it from the top

Sometimes, forever means forever

By Joyce Campbell

  Forever is a long time, and yet every day, people all over the world pledge to spend their lives together in marriage, forever. 

The story of one couple’s journey through life provides a glimpse of a marriage pledged and lived forever. 

Dale and Nina Coultas were married 59 years ago in a small chapel in the Pearl Harbor shipyard, where Dale was stationed in the Navy. 

"I thought that walk down the aisle took forever," said Nina at their riverside home near the town of Methow. She was 30 and he was 35. "By that time we knew what we wanted." 

For good luck, they were married in a sundown ceremony, when both hands on the clock pointed down at 6:30 on the evening of Feb. 28, 1948. It was a tradition among naval personnel in Hawaii. 

Both agree that the good luck has outweighed the bad during their life together.

"The minister said marriage is like farming," Nina recalled. "If the horses are pulling in two different directions, it doesn’t work. You’ve got to pull together. You can’t have it your own way all the time."

For the next 30 years, the couple traveled the Pacific Ocean and Europe, sometimes living on tiny islands. All too often they were separated for many months as Dale kept up with his career in the Navy and later in the merchant marines. 

"I just followed him all over the place," said Nina. "Part of the thing that kept it all together was that we did everything together. When he was home, we had quality time together."

One time Dale was out for three months during underwater atomic bomb testing. Then orders came to stay out another three months, and after that, three more. He stayed in touch with Nina by ship-to-shore radio. Finally, his ship was to return.

It was his first opportunity to steer a ship into port, and afterwards, the captain said it was a good landing, but he made it too fast.

"I was in a hurry," said Dale. "It’s times like that that have a big impact on a marriage. If you find some people who can’t get along, send one to sea. Being gone is a terrible thing."

The Coultas family traveled, beachcombed, camped and hunted together. Dale and Nina joined square dancing groups wherever they were.

They had five children in six years.

In 1979 they bought an orchard on the shores of the Methow River. They managed the orchard together, sharing all of the work.

Their five children all married, committed to spending their lives with their spouses, forever. Now the family has grown to include 15 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. Two more are on the way.

"Forever? I wouldn’t have thought it could be any other way," said Nina.

Her advice to couples just starting out: "Go day to day, and be civil to each other."

Take it from the top

Outdoor weddings offer beauty, challenges

By Patrick Hannigan

Mother Nature is an unpredictable guest at outdoor weddings in the Methow Valley.

Many couples that marry in the Methow choose to get married outside. It’s not surprising: the ambiance is unmatched, the views spectacular and the weather often friendly. But an outdoor wedding also poses challenges for a couple, their guests and the professionals who work weddings in the valley. 

Following is a collection of advice, observations and anecdotes from local couples, caterers, photographers, ministers and musicians who collectively have participated in over 750 weddings in the Methow. They have seen it all. Together, their experiences serve as useful wisdom for those planning an outdoor wedding in the valley.  

"Always have a backup plan," said Terry Hunt, a musician who has played outdoor weddings in the Methow for 30 years. "Don’t expect beautiful weather just because it is July or August."

From a musician’s standpoint, Hunt said there are three main questions for an outdoor wedding. First, musicians and their equipment must be protected from the elements, be it 100-degree sun or pouring rain. Second, consider the neighbors: late-night music from an outside wedding can echo across the valley. Finally, there must be reliable outdoor electricity that can handle the demands of a light and sound system.

"I’ve played at a few weddings where as soon as the band started playing, the fuses started blowing," said Hunt. 

An acoustic band can offer flexibility at an outdoor wedding, because power supply is not an issue, according to musician Brad Pinkerton. Still, Pinkerton said climatic extremes can wreak havoc on even "wire and wood" instruments like fiddle, mandolin and guitar. 

"A fiddle doesn’t work when it’s really cold, but I’ve had real good luck with the weather at weddings," said Pinkerton. "I pray to the gods of temperature and humidity." 

Suekii Smith was married outside in May with a pre-1840 rendezvous/mountain man theme. It was a beautiful spring day – except for the howling wind ripping in from the west. At the last minute, the ceremony was moved inside.

"You can control just about everything except what Mother Nature is going to dish out," said Smith. "If I was going to suggest one thing for people getting married outside, it’s to have a big, huge, outdoor tent. It saved the day."

According to photographer Bob Spiwak, who has shot around 250 weddings, outdoor weddings are much more photogenic than indoor events. The natural light, scenic locations and open spaces that allow people to mix and mingle in small groups combine to make for excellent photo opportunities – even when things don’t go exactly as planned.    

"I did one shoot where a yellowjacket flew up under the bride’s dress. The pandemonium that resulted trying to get the yellowjacket out from between her legs was pretty funny," said Spiwak. "I got some good shots out of that."

On another occasion, Spiwak was shooting a wedding at the top of Goat Wall. According to the plan, the bride and groom would exchange vows and then hang glide together off the cliff. A surprise snowstorm nixed that part of the ceremony, but Spiwak said he got some very memorable photos of the event.

Hiring local professionals to work your wedding makes sense, because locals have experience dealing with the unique weather and environmental challenges in the Methow, said Carol Fisher. 

"You’ve got mosquitoes in the spring, thunderstorms in the summer and yellowjackets in the autumn," said Fisher, who has helped cater dozens of outdoor weddings over the past decade. Yet she and others have their own tricks to deal with such adversities. 

For one, you just don’t make stuff with mayonnaise in it during hot weather, said Fisher. She said some caterers also put sheets of Bounce fabric softener under the tablecloths, which seems to keep the yellowjackets away.

"I love being outside for a wedding," said minister Janet Verkuyl. "You’re part of the flow of the valley – it surrounds you with a magical natural energy." 

Verkuyl has married couples in outdoor locations ranging from a sleigh during winter to a fire lookout on top of First Butte. In one case, Verkuyl said she, along with the couple and their guests, literally stood in the river during the marriage ceremony. 

"The valley offers such a beautiful opportunity to have nature expressed in their wedding. An outdoor wedding is very real and it connects people to the earth," said Verkuyl.

Tim and Kim Odell got married outside under some aspen trees on their own land back in August of 1997. According to Tim, they chose the spot because they wanted their families and friends to experience the beauty of being there with them.  

"It was a fine day to get married. We went down to the swimming hole with all our friends, went back, got dressed and got married." said Tim.

"What was our backup plan? Ah, shoot. I’m sure Kim would remember that."

Take it from the top

You shouldn’t have to mortgage the house....

By Marcy Stamper

It was once a standard component of the wedding photo album: a picture of the bride’s father displaying empty tuxedo pockets, good-naturedly bemoaning the cost of the event.

Today, with the average price of a wedding at $20,000 – or even nudging $30,000, according to one survey – many couples prefer to save some of that money for their future together. A little flexibility and creativity can convert some of that cash into a nest egg for a house, a trip or a family.

There are many ways to economize and still have a memorable event. For instance, the majority of weddings are held between May and October, so just selecting a less popular time of year – or a less popular day – for a wedding can make a big difference.

Even at premium locations like Sun Mountain Lodge, which offer only a full wedding package, special events coordinator Mary Campbell noted they have more flexibility in March and November, when room rentals are lower. 

An afternoon wedding with a lighter meal – or heavy hors d’oeuvres in the evening – will help to keep costs down. Without a sit-down meal, you can also make a smaller space work for a longer guest list.

Breakfast weddings are not that common, said Campbell, but "the morning sun is beautiful." Plus, an early start allows guests to share outdoor activities later in the day. 

For a dinner wedding, too, days matter. Friday is generally less expensive than Saturday.

Your choice of setting may offer other benefits as well. Pamela Ahl of Amy’s Manor Inn near Pateros said their extensive lawn and gardens, with a panoramic view of the valley, means couples can economize on flowers and decorations.

Ahl charges a basic site fee, depending on the number of guests, but like many caterers she offers several menus at different price ranges. While Ahl is not able to let guests bring their own food or use her commercial kitchen, clients can bring their own beer and wine and simply pay a corkage fee.

Sticking to beer and wine, or pairing a festive fruit or herb punch with champagne (or even dispensing with alcohol altogether), can cut a considerable amount from the total bill. 

Tess Hoke of Local 98856 in Twisp offers what she terms "flexible catering," which allows her clients to design the type of event that works for them, both in style and in budget. They can ask Hoke to prepare the food and to provide liquor, or they can bring their own caterer to Local’s greenhouse or garden. 

Or, said Hoke, they can simply book the space and have a potluck and drink their own beer and wine (paying the standard corkage fee). Anyone renting Local’s greenhouse or garden may use the kitchen for food preparation. "We’re really flexible to accommodate, based on somebody’s budget, so they have a nice event," she said.

Some caterers will allow you to supplement their food with your own items, particularly for hors d’oeuvres. One woman said they used a local caterer for complex gourmet dishes at her wedding while friends contributed their own specialties for a personal touch.

You can indulge in a delectable cake without spending a fortune. Wedding consultants recommend ordering a smaller tiered cake and then adding a sheet cake in the same flavor that will be cut and served to guests. 

Several local inns offer casual wedding settings where you can rent cabins and use the grounds. Skalitude Retreat has ample meadows and the Sky Lodge with a bamboo dance floor. 

While having a backyard or home wedding may save money, particularly for a smaller affair, keep in mind that you may have to rent everything: dishes and linens, tables and chairs, a tent or dance floor. On the other hand, choosing a personal setting means you may not have to invest as much in décor. A low-cost option for table and chair rental includes the Methow Valley Community Center.

Some places, like the Mazama Country Inn, typically expect guests to rent the entire facility for a weekend, but they may negotiate a different arrangement in the off season. Most proprietors encourage couples to inquire about crafting different options.

For a less formal wedding, consider renting or reserving a state or local park or taking advantage of the thousands of acres of public land for a picnic.

For florals, choose local, seasonal flowers, or mix traditional (and expensive) blooms like stephanotis with less costly flowers for a similar effect, suggested Sue Northcott of Blooms, Flowers and Fineries in Winthrop. Even the color of flowers can affect their cost – white flowers tend to be fragile and bruise easily, and they can therefore be more expensive.

You can also limit the use of flowers to decorate chairs, the aisle or the cake. Instead, twine decorative branches or grasses with tiny lights and shimmering fabric, or incorporate candles on serving tables.

In a traditional catering hall, couples are sometimes able to coordinate efforts and share the costs of flowers or decorations if weddings follow one another.

Other places to save: the invitation – it doesn’t need to be an elaborate, seven-piece document (this will save on printing, paper and postage) – and favors for guests. Some couples incorporate favors into a table centerpiece, allowing guests to take home chocolates or small flower arrangements.

Upon prior agreement, some photographers may be willing to give a couple all the film – or digital files – for them to choose and print the photos they like, rather than providing a complete album, which can add up. A small ensemble or a blend of recorded music and a band can save on music.

While the groom traditionally rents a tuxedo, brides can save by considering regular formal wear or choosing a bridesmaid’s gown in white or ivory. Exquisite bridal gowns are also available through consignment shops and, increasingly, online.

So save your money and embark on that next important phase of life: planning for your children’s college education and for retirement.

Take it from the top

When things don’t go exactly as planned....

By Patrick Hannigan

In the Methow, weddings are a leading cause of marriage. But like marriages, weddings rarely go precisely as planned. 

Therefore, it pays to hope for the best, expect the unexpected, prepare to improvise and maintain a sense of humor when planning your wedding. After all, how a couple weathers the stress of their wedding is the first test of how they will cope with the challenges of marriage.  

Consider the case of the Boyd-Boyle wedding, which took place in the Methow a few years back. An army of wedding planners, consultants and caterers had choreographed the entire weekend down to a fraction of a second. But even the best-laid wedding plans go awry. 

The bachelor and bachelorette parties kicked off the wedding weekend. To make a long story short, the groom-to-be consumed adult beverages, took off into the darkness on a mountain bike, and executed a swan dive over the handlebars, which resulted in severe facial road rash.

The bachelorette and her party encountered different difficulties. To make another long story short, the bride-to-be consumed adult beverages, tried to inner tube down the Methow River and suffered a broken nose.      

That same night, crazy Aunt Nettie from New York let her poodle, Tinkerbelle, out to go tinkle. Faster than you can say "appetizer," a cougar emerged from beneath the deck of the Mazama cabin and made off with the dog. The bride consoled her aunt, while the aunt tended to the bride’s broken nose.   

Next evening was the rehearsal dinner. Suffice it to say that raw oysters, sushi and potato salad on a 102-degree afternoon in July is a potentially bad bacteriological combination. A wave of gastrointestinal distress swept over the guests like a tsunami.

The day of the wedding dawned clear and blue – a perfect morning in the Methow. The wedding was set to take place outside on the lawn of a luxury lakeside lodge in the valley. The gazebo where the couple was to exchange vows had been decorated with fresh-cut flowers, although the deer had eaten most of them.

Finally, it was time for the ceremony. A string quartet played a slow, romantic processional; the sun turned the lake into a pool of gold; the sweet perfume of rose bushes and lilacs wafted through the air of the warm summer’s eve. Even though the groom’s face was covered with road rash and the bride had two black eyes from her inner-tubing incident, they both looked radiant – a stunning match. 

When it was time to exchange vows and rings, the bride’s two-year old nephew, who was serving as the ring bearer, emerged on cue. There, in front of hundreds of expectant faces, he offered up a white silk pillow that should have borne the wedding rings. But the rings were gone.

"Where are the rings?" the minister whispered frantically. The toddler hesitated, reached down and touched his stomach, and burst into tears. Two substitute rings were gathered from the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and the ceremony proceeded. (The wedding rings were later recovered from the ring bearer’s Huggies, were washed thoroughly, and were presented to husband and wife.)

Meanwhile, a dramatic mass of black clouds was brewing on the western horizon. The thunderstorm was moving this way – and fast.

The bride and groom exchanged expeditious vows and the groom kissed his bride just as the first boom of thunder rolled down the valley. The couple and their guests laughed at the perfect cosmic timing. 

According to the wedding plan, after the groom had kissed the bride, he was to escort his new wife to a rowboat waiting at the shore of the lake. The idea was that they would go for a short romantic row – a few minutes spent alone together as husband and wife. It seemed the storm was still a ways off, so they decided to proceed.

They hadn’t gone far when the first wave of wind hit. The groom started rowing faster and faster, attempting to make it back to the reception. But the little boat was blown to the far side of the lake, where it grounded in a swampy marsh.

The tuxedoed groom climbed out of the boat into the knee-deep mud and made a valiant effort to carry his bride to shore. But the sticky, stinky goop was difficult to negotiate, and the groom slipped and crashed down, dropping the bride (who was wearing her grandmother’s white silk wedding dress) into the black slime. 

"Oooohhh!" gasped the 200 wedding guests watching from the far side of the lake. Rain hammered down and the guests took shelter in the reception tent.  

Fifteen minutes later, after bushwhacking along the shore of the lake through thickets of willow and dogwood, the bride and groom arrived back at the reception. The guests looked up, stunned into silence at the sight of the bedraggled pair. The bride and groom started chuckling, then laughing, and soon everyone was roaring hysterically and cheering. 

Smiling, the couple turned and looked into each other’s eyes. The guests fell silent. The groom pulled a few sticks and twigs from his wife’s hair. The bride wiped some mud from her husband’s face. They embraced and shared a long, passionate kiss. 

Somebody handed the couple two glasses of champagne, and the groom proposed a toast.

"To laughter and love in the face of adversity!" said the groom. 

"Here, here!" said the guests. The bride raised her glass and proposed another toast.

"If our marriage can survive our wedding, certainly our love will last forever," said the bride.

The newly married couple led the guests onto the dance floor and they danced – a dance that continues to this day.

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